Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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