I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
