if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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