my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
