The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
