Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
