Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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