no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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