Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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