she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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