sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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