Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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