can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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