party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
