i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
