i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
