Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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