I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
