This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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