if only i could text you this smell
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
