Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
COCAINE IS GR8
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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