How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize