There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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