He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
