Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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