i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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