Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
