planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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