Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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