it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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