There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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