Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
