and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
