i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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