Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
