Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
