Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
