So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
