I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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