I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
