I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
