a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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