i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
try to milk me bitch
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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