I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
