Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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