I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
