You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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