DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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