Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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