Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
