I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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