Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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