Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
