I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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