Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
