I think im going to throw up on grandma
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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