we made out on top of his cat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
